well here is the video i promised ,only taken me all day to figure out the bloody computer at college but finally got there, this isn’t my final video it’s just to show what i’ve been up to the last week or so, the real video wont be posted as its to long 12 mins 11 seconds to be exact and i don’t get enough memory but i think you get the idea from them.

when my dad passed, i used to like cuddling his shirt, but now that i’ve had it for eleven years its got very worn.i’ve decided i would like to make something out of it that i could keep for a long time, was thinking of some kind of cusion, so i can still cuddle it and feel close to my dad.

decided to film the process of making the cusion, the first cut was the hardest, because after that i knew i couldnt get it back, felt a bit like losing my dad all over again, was a bit of a release too.

the whole process took me just over an hour, was a bit of a long process, but then my dads illness was a very long process too 12 years in all.

the video of the process will be up shortly

funny how you get idea’s in the middle of the night , its 6.30 in the morning and im never up at this time, but my brain started ticking subconsciously, so wanted to write something down before i forgot it, il probably not going to remember writing this when i get in to college later.

was thinking allot about my project last night, and how i could progress from the pictures I’ve been doing on  my dads shirt. i  came to the conclusion that, the next progressive step would be the shirt its self, i thought maybe destroying it with acid or setting it on fire, but i don’t think i could do something so final with it, because there would be nothing left to remind me of my dad’s physical presents. i remember his emotional memories, his laugh, his humour and how he got angry. His physical memory is fading. certain things trigger physical memories of him, diesel reminds me of my dads smell, the shirt reminds me of hugging him, probably the to most important physical memories.

when i first washed the shirt ,the memory of my dads smell disappeared, having it for the last 11 years, its got out of shape, so my memory of my dads shape and size vanished,  slowly we forget things about people that have passed, so to destroy it completely, would be to destroy all physical memories of my dad, and i  don’t think i could do that, maybe the site relavents should be my own memory and how to keep the physical memory of my dad. So i will need to go and think about making a physical memory of my dad before the shirt get to worn and tattie.

I’m really enjoying playing about with the images of my self , using ink and bleach to destroy them, or to leave a slight hint that i was there, or that my dads shirt was there too , connecting well with the idea that my dad is no longer here all left is his shirt. i also like the marks that are left on the wall by the ink running on to the wall, this could be a possible route to take my work.
a bit confused as where i’m taking my ideas or where my site could be but i’m enjoying the process. added more pictures for you to look at check out my slide show above . leave any comments or ideas all welcome.x

continuing with my theme on destroying, i have been trying out more videos, this time though i have tried to keep the idea of the figure more in mind, so i used a permanent marker and blocked out some off the ink so that it didnt run away when i added the bleach. you could see the figure more clearly as the process went on.the video above shows the process well , i have the images that are left over by the bleach, these were really effective too. check them out on flickr x